Coaching is a powerful and effective way of helping people achieve their personal and professional goals. Coaching involves asking questions that stimulate thinking, reflection, and action. However, not all questions are equally helpful or appropriate in coaching. In fact, some questions can be counterproductive or even harmful.
One type of question that is often overused or misused in coaching is the why question. Why questions are questions that seek to understand the reasons, motives, or causes behind something. For example:
- Why did you choose this career?
- Why are you feeling stressed?
- Why did you make that mistake?
While why questions can sometimes be useful and insightful, they can also have some drawbacks and limitations in coaching. Here are some of the reasons why you should ask more than why questions when coaching:
Why questions can trigger defensiveness or resistance
Why questions can sometimes sound accusatory, judgmental, or critical, especially when they are asked in a negative or challenging tone. For example:
- Why did you do that?
- Why are you always late?
- Why don’t you listen to me?
These types of why questions can make the person feel attacked, blamed, or interrogated. They can trigger defensiveness or resistance, which can hinder the coaching process and damage the coaching relationship. The person may become defensive, angry, or withdrawn, and may not be willing to open up or cooperate.
Instead of asking why questions that sound accusatory, judgmental, or critical, you can ask more neutral or positive questions that show curiosity, interest, or support. For example:
- What led you to do that?
- What challenges are you facing with your time management?
- How can I help you listen better?
These types of questions can help the person feel respected, understood, and valued. They can foster trust and rapport, which can enhance the coaching process and strengthen the coaching relationship. The person may become more receptive, cooperative, and engaged, and may be more willing to share or explore.
Why questions can focus on the past or the problem
Why questions can sometimes focus too much on the past or the problem, rather than on the present or the solution. For example:
- Why did you fail your exam?
- Why are you unhappy with your job?
- Why do you have low self-esteem?
These types of why questions can make the person dwell on what went wrong, what is missing, or what is wrong with them. They can reinforce negative emotions, beliefs, or behaviors that may hinder their progress or growth. They can also limit their perspective and creativity by keeping them stuck in a problem-oriented mindset.
Instead of asking why questions that focus on the past or the problem, you can ask more forward-looking or solution-focused questions that focus on the present or the solution. For example:
- What did you learn from your exam?
- What do you want from your job?
- How can you boost your self-esteem?
These types of questions can help the person move on from what went wrong, what is missing, or what is wrong with them. They can foster positive emotions, beliefs, or behaviors that can support their progress or growth. They can also expand their perspective and creativity by keeping them in a solution-oriented mindset.
Why questions can limit the scope or depth of coaching
Why questions can sometimes limit the scope or depth of coaching, by focusing on only one aspect or level of the situation. For example:
- Why do you want to change your career?
- Why are you afraid of public speaking?
- Why do you procrastinate?
These types of why questions can make the person focus on only one reason, motive, or cause behind their situation, rather than exploring multiple factors, influences, or layers that may be involved. They can also make the person focus on only one dimension, aspect, or level of their situation, rather than exploring different perspectives, angles, or depths that may be relevant.
Instead of asking why questions that limit the scope or depth of coaching, you can ask more open-ended or multi-dimensional questions that broaden the scope or depth of coaching. For example:
- What are some of the reasons that make you want to change your career?
- How do you feel when you have to speak in public?
- What are some of the benefits and costs of procrastinating?
These types of questions can help the person explore multiple reasons, motives, or causes behind their situation, rather than settling for one. They can also help the person explore different dimensions, aspects, or levels of their situation, rather than sticking to one.
How to ask more than why questions when coaching
Asking more than why questions when coaching does not mean that you should never ask why questions at all. Why questions can still be useful and appropriate in some situations, such as:
- When you want to understand the purpose or intention behind something
- When you want to clarify the meaning or definition of something
- When you want to stimulate curiosity or interest in something
- When you want to challenge a limiting belief or assumption
However, asking more than why questions when coaching means that you should be aware of the potential drawbacks and limitations of why questions, and use them sparingly and carefully. It also means that you should use a variety of other types of questions that can enhance your coaching effectiveness and outcomes. Here are some examples of other types of questions that you can use in coaching:
What questions: These are questions that seek to explore facts, information, details, examples, evidence, or data. For example:
- What are your goals for this session?
- What are some of the challenges that you are facing?
- What are some of the resources that you have?
How questions: These are questions that seek to explore processes, methods, strategies, plans, actions, or steps. For example:
- How did you achieve that result?
- How do you cope with stress?
- How will you measure your progress?
When questions: These are questions that seek to explore timeframes, deadlines, schedules, milestones, or sequences. For example:
- When did you realize that you wanted to change?
- When will you start working on your action plan?
- When do you expect to reach your goal?
Where questions: These are questions that seek to explore locations, contexts, environments, or settings. For example:
- Where are you now in relation to your goal?
- Where do you want to be in the future?
- Where can you find more information or support?
Who questions: These are questions that seek to explore people, roles, relationships, or interactions. For example:
- Who are the key stakeholders in your project?
- Who do you admire or look up to?
- Who can help you or hinder you in achieving your goal?
Which questions: These are questions that seek to explore options, choices, preferences, or alternatives. For example:
- Which of these options appeals to you the most?
- Which of these skills do you want to improve?
- Which of these obstacles do you want to overcome first?
If questions: These are questions that seek to explore possibilities, scenarios, outcomes, or consequences. For example:
- If you could change one thing about your situation, what would it be?
- If you had unlimited resources, what would you do?
- If you achieve your goal, how would you feel?
What if questions: These are questions that seek to explore hypotheticals, assumptions, challenges, or opportunities. For example:
- What if you could start over?
- What if you fail?
- What if you succeed?
Asking more than why questions when coaching can help you enhance your coaching effectiveness and outcomes by avoiding the drawbacks and limitations of why questions. It can also help you use a variety of other types of questions that can stimulate thinking, reflection, and action in your clients. By asking more than why questions when coaching, you can help your clients achieve their goals faster and easier.
